Welcome to do_i_want_kids, the community.
I need a community such as this one for this reason:
I don't know what comes over me sometimes. The simplest little thing trips my emotions and suddenly I'm in overload crying into my onion dip. For heavens sake, it can NOT be normal to be this worried about ever having children. Maybe everyone worries some or frets a bit or is unsure at times but I AM THE ONLY ONE DRIVING MYSELF INSANE.
Somedays I seem okay with the idea. Yes it does sound a little scary but I think, sure I'd like to have kids. And other days I think that having a child is the very LAST thing I ever want.
Let me backtrack. I'm 25 years old and engaged to my soul mate, who already has three children. (whom we rarely see due to their mother... don't get me started on that one.) He wants kids, I can tell. He thinks baby shoes are cute and points them out at the store. Which only adds to my stress. We've talked this through and through but his answer is always this, "You'll know when it's time."
That's not good. My main fear (besides the pregnancy and actual childbirth itself, of course) is the fact that if I make the wrong decision, I can't very well change my mind later on. So what if I have a kid and I just don't want him anymore? ;_; What if it comes between us..? I am incredibly selfish and don't appreciate sharing my fiance's attention with anyone.
I feel so sick.